Down with the sickness...

I've got a feva, and the only cure is a lot of liquids and rest...

This was the case over the past weekend, during which I spent the majority of my time ailing on the couch.   Fortunately,  I have an awesome wife, who has a legitimate concern for my well-being, and spares no effort to ensure my happiness.

While laying around, bitching about how the pain in my head could only be compared to the feeling one would have if "their brain was expanding at the same time they got their head caught in an ever-compressing vice grip", my wife was making homemade soup and bread for me.  Really??? 
That's just too damn nice.

Saturday, I was running a fever a little over 100 (my normal temperature runs a little lower than 97).  My wife was diligent about keeping my water glass full for the entire day (28 glasses of water in all).  This of course allowed me to get quite a bit of exercise for a bed-ridden sicky, traveling back and forth from the couch to the bathroom.  All of this "exercise", I'm sure, was instrumental in retaining at least some kind of appetite (which I generally lose when sick).  'twas a good thing I had an appetite, because there was certainly no shortage of food. 

--My wife is like a little Paula Dean (except for the fact that she's unfathomably smart, smoking hot, Ukrainian, not Southern, doesn't use up a cow's worth of butter in a single dish when cooking, has never once referred to anything as a "meat cookie", and most of all, takes care of me when I'm sick--something Paula Dean has never once offered to do.)

As it turns out, by yesterday (Sunday), my fever fell back below 100, and gradually got back to normal.  I am of course attributing my recovery completely to the efforts of my lovely wife, with the help of tea, honey, soup, bread, and water.

I'm fairly certain the least helpful part of my recovery was the Pats 28-21 loss at home to the Jets.  The one good thing that came from their loss is the fact that I can now break the contract I made with myself, and shave this ridiculous "Playoff Beard" I've been sporting for the past several weeks.

On that note, it's also a great excuse for me to leave the equally as ridiculous handlebar mustache that came as a byproduct of said beard.  Photo seen here:

Pretty good.

Talk to you guys later.

Love,

Zak

Meat Wizard (Not the really cute dog...Me!)

Cute dog dressed as a wizard. So great!

I understand that the title "Meat Wizard" leaves itself open to a lot of off-color comments.  Let me first explain the definition of the term first.

Meat Wizard: A person who is so incredibly good at cooking meat, one might think that said person possesses some sort of magical powers.

On the contrary, a Meat Wizard has no affiliation, nor connection with some goofy bastard that lives in the forest casting spells on trees and frogs whilst wearing a ridiculous robe and hat.  To be a meat wizard, you don't need to do anything that involves having a long flowing beard, but it doesn't hurt. Don't believe me?  Just ask this guy, his sweet beard, or his girlfriend:

(He doesn't do anything even remotely wizardly)  Now that I've cleared that up, let's get down to business.  By business, I mean, the point of today's post. Today, as I type these very words, I am preparing a Sirloin Tip Roast.  The aroma that has completely taken over my home can only be described in poem...Since I don't write poetry too often, be creative, and comment with one of your own.  In just one hour, my meat cooking ability will once again be proven to be the greatest thing to ever happen.  Not bad for a non-wizard.

I don't have too much else to say, except that I'm pretty excited about this roast.  That, and send me some poetry titled "Ode to Meat" in the comments.

I'll leave you with a Russian song about drinking beer and eating meat.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_pu-rnwOdI

Love,

Zak

Snowball Fights and Partying

So, today in North Carolina, we woke up with a bit of snow for once.  It looks to be about 3 inches or so, which isn't anything to really get excited about, but it's nice to see.

Before I had my morning coffee, I went outside to scrape the dusting off of my car, and move it from the street to our parking lot.  I could have just come back inside and had my coffee, but where's the fun in that?

I packed up a pretty good size snowball, came back inside, and threw it at Lena.  She made a halfhearted attempt at catching it, but pretty much just let it hit her in the chest.  I spent the next couple of minutes doing a victory dance that included a lot of pelvic thrusts, and evil laughing.  Overall, it was pretty good.

After Executive Lunch with Dr. Teo Serbia, we ran into some hostile defense forces on the corner of Princess and Front Street.  A barrage of snowballs flew our way, which we returned fire on for a solid 5 minutes.  After a number of casualties, it was declared a draw, and we all shook hands.  Well fought battle, Gentlemen.

Tonight is the Bottega Holiday Party Extravaganza.  If it's anything like Saturday night, it will conclude with me hugging a toilet.  Since this party is for the biggest collection of booze hounds I've ever met (myself included), it's a safe assumption that I'm headed for a pretty rough Tuesday. 

Love,

Zak

You're Right, I'm a wild man

My Russian teacher, also known as my wife, has assigned me the following project:

Learn the lyrics to Leningrad's"дикий мужчина" (Wild Man)

Tы называешь меня говнюком
Да, я все время бухой
И твою жопу при людях хватаю
Своей волосатой рукой.


Да, мои ноги вонючие палки
На которых все в дырках носки
А эти две кучи из пыли и грязи -
Это мои башмаки.


Да, ты права, я - дикий мужчина,
Ты права, я - дикий мужчина,
Ты права, я - дикий мужчина:
Яйца, табак, перегар и щетина

I'm not sure how helpful this will prove when talking to her Grandparents in Ukraine, but I'm sure it will be good to know while drinking Vodka, and playing cards with her father. (Yuriy)

The way the song translates is pretty much the greatest thing to ever happen musically, and will no doubt lead me to a liver transplant with the amount of Vodka I've been consuming.  In case you are interested, here's the translation:

You call me shithead
Well,  I'm wasted all the time
And I grab your ass in public
With my hairy hand

Yeah, my legs are stinky sticks
And my socks are full of holes
And these two piles of dust and mud-
They're my boots

Yes, you're right-I'm a wild man
You're right-I'm a wild man,
You're right-I'm a wild man:
Balls, tobacco, reek of booze, and scruff

As I'm writing this post, I'd like to make note of the fact that I reek of booze, and am wearing a Ukrainian flag as a cape.  Pretty good.

Listen to the song here

Love,

Zak

From: http://lyricstra

Learning Russian

As I mentioned in my first post, I am currently learning Russian.  It's not exactly a New Year's Resolution since I've been learning bits and pieces over the last few months, but until this week, my efforts were sub-par at best. That being said, I have a story for you...

On Monday, I was sitting on the couch studying Russian.  I had a Russian movie on in the background, a bunch of Russian websites and blogs open on the computer, and I was surrounded by notebooks, and texts.  Bouncing back and forth between my notebook and my dictionary, I was learning a bunch of new vocabulary from the text I had just read through.

Before I knew it, I ate an entire Kielbasa, and drank a huge glass of Stolichnaya Vodka.  By the time my wife got home from work, I was pretty much done for the night.

Learning Russian is going to be an interesting adventure.

Hа здоровье!

Zak 

Coffee, Breakfast & Beer

Now that we've entered the new year, I've realized that I have what some call, "Too much time on my hands."  Because of my work schedule, I have quite a bit of free-time during daylight hours.  As it stands, I split my time between learning Russian, and messing about on the computer.  As a result, I have nothing better to do than write a pointless blog about random nonsense that may or may not interest anyone but myself during the computer portion of my day.  Either way, here it is. 

If you are in a similar situation, feel free to comment.  In addition, if you have any good beer, or wine recommendations, those are welcome as well.  Furthermore, I'm interested in hearing about anyone's recent travels; Foreign & Domestic.  Lastly, if you just really like commenting on blogs, I'm all for hearing from you as well.

Cheers,

Zak